Plan your Own Funeral

by Dally Messenger III
(32 years of experience as a Funeral Celebrant)

Plan your own Funeral? How confronting! But it is like this. If you don't, someone else will. The someone else may, in their ignorance, humiliate your memory and cause grief to your friends and the non-participating members of your family.

And you may think that your next-of-kin and your executor may know what you want, and how you would like your funeral handled, but they frequently don't.

One of the first, if not the first, Funeral Celebrant to recognise this fully was the late Kathleen Hurley. She composed a questionnaire booklet to help people deal with their Funeral, and a number of other details, which are not normally spelt out in a will. (See below left)

This stuff is hard to face, so why not get a facilitator? There are skilled and experienced celebrants who will sit down with you and fill out all the questions in the booklet. This person will make sure you place copies in the right places and with the right people. Most college trained Funeral Celebrants would be good at this. I hear that those who do this vary the charge according to the hours spent but generally charge about 250 pounds.

Funeral Celebrants.

We are not talking here of the "Funeral Plans" organised by the Funeral Directors. To tell you the truth, many (not all!) Funeral Directors couldn't care less about the ceremony, the clergyman or the celebrant. Many (not all!) go for the cheapest and the quickest. Most Funerals in the western world are an impersonal disgrace.

There is no short cut to a good funeral.

My experience is that it is the ceremony, what words are said, who says them, and how they say it, is what really matters to people. This cannot be done well by any short cut. You should put money aside for a conscientious competent celebrant, arrange they be paid an hourly rate, and make sure the job is done properly. There is no short cut to a good funeral. Whether it is your own funeral or someone else's you should arrange the celebrant first. The ceremony is the job of the celebrant, the Funeral Director does other important things but not the ceremony. See Choosing a Funeral Celebrant and Funeral Celebrants.

We are talking about a proper tribute which does not heap an indignity on your memory. Do you want a religious or non-religious funeral or a mixture of both? How do you see you own life and the kinds of things you want said in your eulogy (or write your own). What do you consider your main achievements, what were the issues you believed in and perhaps fought for? What sort of music do you want? What poetry and prose do you like? Do you want to be buried or cremated? If you are to be cremated, what is to be done with your ashes?

Stating all these things clearly will save your family a lot of confusion and pain.

Planning your funeral is a bit like writing a will. You do not die any quicker, you just do not bequeath a scene of chaos when you die. It also brings a kind of inner peace, when you know that these matters have been "tidied up".

Based on the work of the late Kathleen Hurley the International College of Celebrancy has prepared a comprehensive booklet which deals with the funeral but also includes other important details such as organ donation, the distribution of personal effects. necessary personal details, the location of documents, and who is to be informed.

Facilitators:

This Funeral Planning Booklet is best filled in with a Facilitator (we recommend one of our own qualified Funerals Celebrants). The facilitator should ensure that you finish it, copy it, or inform all those close to you where to find it. It is a time consuming process and the facilator should be paid fairly on an hourly rate. We recommend that you use the booklet we produce because it is based on experience in the field.

The booklet is reasonably priced at 11 pounds+ 6 pounds p&p (extra USA)
Ph: +61 3 9419 0460. or celebrants@netspace.net.au   

© D. Messenger 1994-2009